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I'm a 40 something single mother of 2 - Matt, a United States Marine, who is married to the most beautiful girl in the world, Ashley and Kaitlin 14 going on 21, need I say more... two grandchildren, Tyler and Jordyn who is the applie of Mimi's eye... I have the most wonderful man in my life right now. Tony is my true soulmate. I am so happy with my life.... it can't get any better than this!

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Thursday, January 11, 2007

Edition #6


1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAÏVE

2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? (My sentiments exactly!)

3. OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?

4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?

5. There are three religious truths:
a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.

6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

7. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

8. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

9. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?

10. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

11. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

12. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

13. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?


14. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

15. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me ...they're cramming for their final exam.

16. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? toothpicks?

17. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

18. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

19. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

20. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

22. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?

23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

24. As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice: When you put the two words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "THEIRS"?

Proudly Brought to You by Dixie 8:46 AM

Comments on ""


Blogger Piacere said ... (1/11/2007 8:41 AM) : 

OMG Dixie!!! I spit my coffee all over the keyboard!!!! Love #5!!! Truer things were never seen, esp. here in the Bible Belt!!!


Blogger julie said ... (1/11/2007 8:45 AM) : 

Oh sheesh Dixie! I LOVED THESE! Some were what appeared to be Carlinisms but were from many years ago. My favs: hmmm as I read them again...I can't pick certain ones. Thanks honey!



Blogger mistihollrah said ... (1/11/2007 8:51 AM) : 

Oh my! These are great! I need to send everyone to your blog to read these! These are too funny!

My TT is up!


Blogger Ash said ... (1/11/2007 8:56 AM) : 

LMAO. Great List.


Blogger Barbara said ... (1/11/2007 9:19 AM) : 

Thanks for the giggle. Love the list.


Blogger busy91 said ... (1/11/2007 10:11 AM) : 

ROFL! This is too funny! #5 is great!


Blogger Ash said ... (1/11/2007 10:14 AM) : 

Thank you!


Blogger Caylynn said ... (1/11/2007 10:31 AM) : 

LOL! :D Too funny! Thanks for the laughs. :D

Happy T13. :)


Blogger Maryfly said ... (1/11/2007 12:05 PM) : 

ROFL!! too funny!



Blogger Raggedy said ... (1/11/2007 12:41 PM) : 

Great list..
Have a wonderful Thursday!


Blogger Lisa said ... (1/11/2007 2:55 PM) : 

Snicker, snort, your list made me laugh right out loud! Thank you so much for sharing - you brightened up my afternoon immensely.


Blogger Dane Bramage said ... (1/11/2007 3:45 PM) : 

These were great. Except for #5 which was totally unfunnny. We Baptists have no sense of humor. And I'm going to bring you up before the deacons at the next Hooters happy hour prayer meeting.

My Thursday Thirteen #25 The Favorite TV Shows Edition Is up so stop by if you get a moment. Have a great Thursday.


Blogger Diana said ... (1/11/2007 4:53 PM) : 

LOL< I'm so Fed up with fedex!

Great TT!

You always have the most interesting ones.



Blogger Meribah said ... (1/11/2007 5:09 PM) : 

LOL! These are good! I had to smile at number five too.


Blogger Travis said ... (1/11/2007 7:10 PM) : 


My stepdad loves to spring these kinds of things on me when I'm not ready - like when I've just taken a drink of something.


Blogger Bond said ... (1/11/2007 8:13 PM) : 

You my dear are one crazy Dixie...

Funnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnny stuff


Blogger TopChamp said ... (1/11/2007 10:30 PM) : 

Can't think of much to say here but ha ha ha ha ha.

Hope that will suffice!

Happy TT x


Blogger Turnbaby said ... (1/12/2007 3:12 AM) : 

OMG--kick my ass ok---I thought I'd been here yesterday--kick it--I know you will Sugarbaby---*grin*

FUNNY --number fIVE kills me WOOOOO


Blogger SGT DUB said ... (1/12/2007 11:38 AM) : 

Oh my gosh. that was great. These are the kind of things I like to brighten a day with, darn it's already dark outside. love it


Blogger Sueann said ... (1/12/2007 3:49 PM) : 

Oh good Lord, this had me on the floor laughing! You are one funny chick, Ms. Dixie! Thanks for the laughs!


Anonymous Artemis said ... (1/13/2007 8:18 AM) : 

Cool list! Must've been fun to write :D


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