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I'm a 40 something single mother of 2 - Matt, a United States Marine, who is married to the most beautiful girl in the world, Ashley and Kaitlin 14 going on 21, need I say more... two grandchildren, Tyler and Jordyn who is the applie of Mimi's eye... I have the most wonderful man in my life right now. Tony is my true soulmate. I am so happy with my life.... it can't get any better than this!

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Friday, March 23, 2007

THIS ONE'S FOR THE GIRLS!


The Open Toed Shoe Pledge

As a member of the Cute Girl Sisterhood, I pledge to follow the Rules when wearing sandals and other open-toe shoes:

I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.

I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free.

I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.

I will sand down any mounds of skin before they! turn hard and yellow.

I will shave the hairs off my big toe.

I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother, sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.

If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it.

I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholl's if my feet need him.

I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids' sizes ( I guess this applies to Crocs nowadays). This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle.

I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.

I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that her toes are as long as my fingers and no sandal makes creepy feet look good.

I will promise if I wear flip flops that I will ensure that they actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them.

I will promise to go to my local nail salon at least once per season and have a real pedicure (they are about $15 or 20 and worth EVERY penny).

I will promise to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show signs of wear... nothing is tackier than dirty white sandals.


THIS ONE'S FOR THE MEN

SPRING CLASSES FOR MEN
AT THE LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY MARCH 31, 2007.

CLASSES BEGIN APRIL 5, 2007

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.


Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10: 00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor ---
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM

Class 6
Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places
And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum .
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations. < /B>
4 weeks, Saturday's noon , 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing .
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM .

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14
The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used.

Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.
Have a good weekend! SMOOCHES!
Proudly Brought to You by Dixie 12:34 PM


Comments on ""

 

Blogger SGT DUB said ... (3/23/2007 9:19 AM) : 

I take it from the first half of your post, spring is in the air, and from the second part, you're an optimist. Have a great Friday and a great weekend. Kitchen and hubby update?

 

Blogger the108 said ... (3/23/2007 11:44 AM) : 

I'm with you on the sandal thing! I love love love shoes and it's one of my pet peeves to see someone wearing shoes that don't fit. I go barefoot whenever possible so a sandal is a good thing for me when I have to wear shoes. I have tattoos on my feet so picking the perfect pair is an art form...lol. I love flip flops and I love anything with a heel. Shoot, I just love shoes.

 

Blogger Dixiechick said ... (3/23/2007 11:48 AM) : 

Sgt... spring is in the air and sometimes I'm optimistic... LOL

Hope you have a great Friday too...

Kitchen COMPLETED and Tony some better..

108... are you any relation to my Hoochie Mama Turn??? LOL

 

Blogger Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said ... (3/23/2007 2:16 PM) : 

dixie honey get a pedicure once a month, you are worth it and it is good for your health! (that's what i tell charlie anyway! ha)

smiles, bee

 

Blogger Merle said ... (3/24/2007 5:24 AM) : 

Hi Dixie ~~ Some great advice there
and some fun things. You are right to be proud of your son, a hero in the making. I had a great few days
with my brother, and hope he is near home now. Glad you enjoyed the Bill Gates thing. He is a clever man!!
Take care, Dixie, Love, Merle.

 

Blogger TopChamp said ... (3/25/2007 11:50 AM) : 

Like the promise about the flip flops... I used to drie my old tea-room boss (college job) mad dragging my feet!

 

Blogger Dana said ... (3/25/2007 7:25 PM) : 

Bento calls those toes "trailer toes"

 

Blogger Sarge Charlie said ... (3/25/2007 8:56 PM) : 

Ok, sign me up, there may be somethings I haven't learned on my own. I graduated from urination 101, the simple answer is to sit down, smile.........

 

Blogger Anndi said ... (3/26/2007 3:38 PM) : 

Pedicures are divine aren't they...

Asking for directions.. LMOO.. remember I rode with you know who to you know where and I am POSITIVE he wouldn't have asked for directions had we actually gotten lost... no sir, no way.. hehehe

 

Blogger julie said ... (4/04/2007 11:23 AM) : 

Great entry Dixie....I absolutely LOVE the pretty feet list! Woo!!!

That class for men....too funny for words!

 

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