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I'm a 40 something single mother of 2 - Matt, a United States Marine, who is married to the most beautiful girl in the world, Ashley and Kaitlin 14 going on 21, need I say more... two grandchildren, Tyler and Jordyn who is the applie of Mimi's eye... I have the most wonderful man in my life right now. Tony is my true soulmate. I am so happy with my life.... it can't get any better than this!

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Friday, March 16, 2007

WOOOOOOOOOO…. GO TIGERS GO…. Win 22 straight games and something is good is definitely bound to happen. Sunday afternoon we sat an anxiously awaited to hear where our University of Memphis Tigers would play and who. The 5th ranked Tigers (30-3), and who by the way has the longest winning streak in the nation, drew a #2 seed in the South Region of the 2007 NCAA tournament. The Tigers will play North Texas in New Orleans Friday. GO TIGERS GO!!!

I have a question... what do you think... Is Underwear Important???

Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle. From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal Mart only to have their car break down in the parking lot.

The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassy. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place. On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by. The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead. You would think she would know her husbands leg?????

The Perfect Dress -

Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement -- not even her parents' nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!
A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother! Jennifer asked her step mom to exchange it, but she refused.
"Absolutely not! I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it," she replied. Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, "Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day."
A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it." Her mother just smiled and replied, "Of course I do dear, I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding.

"NOW I ASK YOU -IS THERE A WOMAN OUT THERE, ANYWHERE, WHO WOULDN'T ENJOYTHIS STORY?

Exactly what I would do!

A TRUE SHONEY'S STORY - NO this is NOT me, but I am withholding the person's name to save her from further embarrassment!

How many times do you wake up in the mornings and feel great! I mean absolutely great. You know what I’m talking about, those mornings when you wake up and you are feeling good mentally and physically. Where you look at yourself in the mirror and are proud that you don’t see so many bags under the eye’s or any of those tell-tell signs of aging. You know you are looking good when you leave the house and you are singing…”I feel pretty, I feel pretty, I feel pretty and witty and gay, lalalalalalala”.

The morning was great for me that day ...I should have gone to the casino but opted to do the right thing and go to work. My hair was really looking terrific, my make-up went on perfectly…there was a spring in my step and today was going to be a good day!

I was feeling so good that I decided to really put on a show at work so I brought out a tan colored linen skirt and a tangerine silk blouse to wear. The clothes were not the unusual part…it was the shoes….it was those brown 3 inch alligator heels that were putting the final touches to my “knock ‘em-out” at work ensemble. To those that know me though, it doesn’t matter what I have on, pantyhose are not part of the wardrobe. I am like a caged mad woman when I wear pantyhose. I scratch, twitch, get big whelps on my skin and have been known at the end of the day to rip them off my body and throw them in the trash. Soooooooooooooo…throughout the years, I’ve worn pants or long skirts and dresses with knee highs. Nobody can see them, right? I had on THE perfect outfit, THE perfect shoes, hair and make-up were perfect and “I” was looking good! Knee highs and all!

My friend, Janice and I had decided that every Monday afternoon we were going to stop off at some restaurant, have a cup of coffee, maybe eat a meal and catch up on each other’s lives and families. Janice and I grew up together and with both of us being single and raising children there was ALWAYS something going on that we needed to catch up on with each other. This Monday afternoon we decided that we would stop off at the Shoney’s close to work and it was on the way home for both of us.

We chatted, ate supper, drank coffee…it was a good visit. Time was getting away though and we both needed to go to the grocery store. I said that she could go on ahead of me that I needed to run to the restroom so she left and I made a pit stop. By this time, I have to tell you that I was no longer feeling pretty. My feet were killing me and when my dogs are hurtin’, my whole body is hurtin’. I was ready to get home and put on some jeans, some sweats, anything that was comfy but I still had a last show to put on! I needed to hold my head up, strut my stuff one more time through the Shoney’s front counter area, out the door across the parking lot, in front of the glass windows of the restaurant and to my car. Hey…you never know who could be watching…my “Mister Right” could have been in Shoney’s!

I did my thing in the restroom, washed my hands, put on more lipstick and out the door I went. My biggest effort to walk like a peacock was in front of the glass windows of the restaurant. It was where most of the people in the restaurant were sitting so I really wanted to make a big impression, you know. WHEW..I made it to the car…one more step and I can take off the $&#*^$ shoes….open door, take hand to swipe my skirt under before I get in…..there was no skirt! Did you hear me….THERE WAS NO SKIRT! One side of my skirt had gotten crumpled up somehow in the waistband of my panties and slip and all I was swiping was SKIN!!!!! I had just walked across the entrance to Shoney’s, out across the entire parking lot, IN FRONT OF THE GLASS WINDOWS, to my car with the right cheek exposed to the world! AND MY KNEE HIGHS. There was nothing to do but get in my car and drive off. I couldn’t. I sat down in my car and threw myself over the steering wheel with hysterical laughter! I was imagining what ALL those people in Shoney’s were thinking about right now! Some were speechless…some were embarrassed for me…some were calling the waitress over because they had just spewed their food all over from laughing so hard. And Mister Right was thinking “not no but HELL NO”!

I managed to start my car and drive home but there were times when I thought I was going to have to pull off the side of the road because I was laughing so hard. For whatever reason, the next day I didn’t tell Janice about what happened. And no, it wasn’t because of embarrassment, I just honestly had let it go or so I thought. About three weeks later, Janice said, “Let’s go to Shoney’s”…I instantly said “NO”! She said, “Why not”, I said “No, we can never go to Shoney’s again. I have literally shown my ass in Shoney’s and we cannot ever return.” After telling her the story and almost having to call 911 because I think she stopped breathing because she was laughing so hard, we decided that the Waffle House would be our next stop and Shoney’s would have to wait for another year or two! By that time, the turn over in personnel would surely be new!!

I would NEVER EVER show my face in Shoney's again! Would you?
Have a great weekend all and Happy St. Patty's Day!!!
Proudly Brought to You by Dixie 9:27 PM


Comments on ""

 

Blogger Merle said ... (3/16/2007 2:51 AM) : 

Hi Dixie ~~ I enjoyed your jokes too
specially the Mother of the bride one
and also the No Underwear one.
Thank you for your visit, glad you could see my jokes and enjoy them.
Don't laugh too much or they'll shut down the 'puters again.
Take care, Love, Merle.

 

Blogger Gunfighter said ... (3/16/2007 8:53 AM) : 

I regularly wear a kilt... so, underwear is optional for me.

Nice Blog

 

Blogger Box 1715 said ... (3/16/2007 9:16 AM) : 

OMG. LOL. I'll never look at another mechanic again and not think of that story!

 

Blogger Linda said ... (3/16/2007 11:40 AM) : 

Those were all hilariously funny but I liked the last one the best! I almost couldn't finish reading it I was laughing so hard! Are you sure it wasn't you??

 

Blogger Skittles said ... (3/16/2007 11:59 AM) : 

Hilarious!!! I like the one-ups-man-ship in the dress one!!

 

Blogger Meribah said ... (3/16/2007 2:12 PM) : 

Heeheehee! I really liked the last one! I would not have been able to laugh about it if that had happened to me!

 

Blogger Lisa said ... (3/16/2007 4:22 PM) : 

Thanks, Dixie - I needed a laugh today! :-)

 

Blogger Dana said ... (3/16/2007 9:22 PM) : 

ROTFLMOO!

 

Blogger Travis said ... (3/16/2007 9:50 PM) : 

Congrats on those Tigers darlin! They're in a good region to make some noise.

 

Blogger Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said ... (3/16/2007 10:20 PM) : 

dixie honey you crack me up! oh, that was YOUR ass? hahahahahahaha

smiles, bee

(ps, there are NO pantyhose that are made to fit me, none!)

 

Blogger Sarge Charlie said ... (3/16/2007 10:26 PM) : 

I am not sure how well this will do when they are Selecting the Southern Belle of the year award.
The guy under the car wins hands down, but that may just be a guy point of view.

tooooooooo funny

 

Blogger Bond said ... (3/17/2007 10:44 AM) : 

DIXIE: trying to catch up here.. funny stuff... hehe also, will remember Red Friday's moving forward

Miss you darlin.. hope the sickiness is leaving your home...

 

Blogger Maryfly said ... (3/17/2007 8:40 PM) : 

BWAHAHAHAHA!! takes a breath BWAHAHAHAHA!! oh man, they just kept getting funnier!

HSGRRRRRRRRRRR

 

Blogger AMAZING GRACIE said ... (3/18/2007 1:57 AM) : 

I'm afraid the Waffle House would be out too, just in case some of the staff had turned up there!
That was some funny stuff...

 

Blogger SGT DUB said ... (3/19/2007 9:09 AM) : 

Great jokes, a good laugh. How is the kitchen and the hubby coming along? Is either one getting better? I hope so.

 

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