Dixie's - Heart and Soul: Wal Mart Applicant

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I'm a 40 something single mother of 2 - Matt, a United States Marine, who is married to the most beautiful girl in the world, Ashley and Kaitlin 14 going on 21, need I say more... two grandchildren, Tyler and Jordyn who is the applie of Mimi's eye... I have the most wonderful man in my life right now. Tony is my true soulmate. I am so happy with my life.... it can't get any better than this!

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Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Wal Mart Applicant


This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas . They hired him because he was so funny.....


NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Old Bastard)


SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one whowill cooperate)


DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available . If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place


DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.


EDUCATION: Yes.


LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.


PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.


MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.


REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.


HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.


PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.


DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment .


MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?


DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?:Of what?


DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be 'Do you have a car that runs?'


HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.


DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!


WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
NEAREST RELATIVE....7 miles


DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.


*** This Man Rocks! ***
Proudly Brought to You by Dixie 10:33 PM


Comments on "Wal Mart Applicant"

 

Blogger Star8278 said ... (3/12/2008 6:55 AM) : 

ROFL!!!

That sounds like my Pop-Pop filled it out.

 

Blogger Matt-Man said ... (3/12/2008 7:32 AM) : 

Ha...I like it. Cheers Dixie!!

 

Blogger Desert Songbird said ... (3/12/2008 9:08 AM) : 

Gotta love an honest old coot like that.

 

Blogger Sandee (Comedy +) said ... (3/12/2008 11:11 AM) : 

Bwahahahahaha. I can so relate. Excellent sweetie. Have a great day. :)

 

Blogger Anndi said ... (3/12/2008 7:54 PM) : 

That always makes me laugh!

Great pic LOL

 

Blogger katherine. said ... (3/12/2008 9:53 PM) : 

I bet he would be fun to chat with too!

 

Blogger Bond said ... (3/13/2008 8:13 AM) : 

"Welcome ta Walmart...hey you are one sexy baby...Welcome to Walmart...hey wanna get busy....Welcome to Walmart...have an extra smoke..."

hehehehehe

 

Blogger Lois Grebowski said ... (3/13/2008 11:06 AM) : 

I think he works at the one down the street from me...LOL!

 

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